IF I WERE IN TIMES OF PROPHET SALLALAHU ALAIHI WASSALAM, WOULDNT I WANT TO MARRY A MAN WITH SUCH CHARACTER AS OF MY PROPHET SALLALAHU ALAIHI WASSALAM!?
BISMILLAH IRREHMAN IRRAHEEM
From the past couple of days, I was thinking about how to start writing again after such a long break! I wasn't sure what to write either until yesterday, a very dear friend of mine gave me this wonderful topic to write on. She didn't do so on purpose! It just happened to be something we were talking about which forced me to inquire, research and then write about it! And as can be seen in the title of my post, that is what it is!
When we want to get married, or we are married but struggling to keep our relationship intact, we are often given the examples from the life of our Prophet Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam! Why? Well, of course because He was a great mercy to mankind and not only we, the Muslims, but many non Muslims have looked at him as an example of the best possible person on the earth and between the mankind! There never was and never will be a person like Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam on this earth! That said, let me get back to my purpose of writing.
I don't completely agree with the above mentioned title for post. That is because not only in the times of Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam but even now when we pursue a life partner, IF we have studied the Seerah of Rasoolullahi Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam, we would want to marry someone with at least some characteristics of our Prophet. At the least, we would want our spouse to KNOW the Prophet and TRY HIS BEST to follow the guidance of Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam. And as a husband, my Prophet was the BEST to his wives!
We often tend to make such horrific statements at times because we haven't studied the Seerah ourselves that we may end up regretting what we said badly once we find out the truth. Alhamdulillah for still having that immense love for my Nabi Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam and my mothers (wives of the Prophet). May Allah only increase my love for them. Ameen thuma Ameen.
I was shocked to hear from someone very dear to me, someone for whom I want the same outcome as I want for myself at the end of this life inshaAllah, I want to meet that someone in Jannah! First, I want to Copy-Paste something from www.islamqa.com about Khadija R.A. my respected and most beloved mother, Alhamdulillah! Here it goes:
Many of my friends have asked me about having Affairs with there opposite sex.........Now I have told them this is Haram in Islam but they give me the reply by saying that Khadija (R.A.A.H) fell in love with out Prophet (S.A.S) And had married him. I have read a lot of books and even on the net i havent found any information about how they were married and all i knew was Khadija (R.A.A.H) SENT a message though a Slave girl who was the cousin of our Prophet (S.A.S). And Abu Talib (R.A.A.H) uncle of our Prophet (S.A.S) accepted the offer and wed them. Now i wanted to know that have they (Prophet (S.A.S) and Khadijah (R.A.A.H)) ever met prior to marraige?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The reports of the seerah (Prophet’s biography) indicate that Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid (may Allaah be pleased with her) was a determined and intelligent woman, and she was also rich and had several kinds of trade. The men of her people were keen to marry her. She did not engage directly in trade herself, rather she used to employ men to work on her behalf.
News reached Khadeejah of the honest and trustworthy Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him); she heard a great deal about his honesty and trustworthiness, so she wanted to hire him to work for her and do trade on her behalf. She sent someone to him with an offer of work, and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) agreed to that.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went out to do trade with the money of Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her), and there was with him a slave of Khadeejah’s whose name was Maysarah. Maysarah saw the signs that happened to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whilst travelling, and that amazed him, so he started to tell his mistress Khadeejah about everything that he had seen.
For example, when the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to the city of Busra in Syria, he stopped in the shade of a tree, and one of the monks said to Maysarah, “No one ever stops under the shade of this tree but a Prophet.” And Maysarah used to see two angels shading the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when the heat of the sun grew too intense.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came back from that journey, and he had made far more money in trading for Khadeejah than anyone else ever had before.
Khadeejah was impressed with the personality of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and she wanted to marry him. So she sent her friend Nafeesah bint Maniyyah to tell the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about that. He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) agreed, and the marriage of Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) was arranged by her father Khuwaylid, according to the most sound reports, as mentioned by the scholars of seerah.
From the above it is clear that there was no inappropriate relationship between the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Khadeejah (nay Allaah be pleased with her) before he married her.
The morals of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) were sound and he lived a virtuous life; Allah protected him from everything that may have detracted from his message or that was contrary to modesty and chivalry.
There seem to be a couple of misconceptions in our people about Khadija RA which lead them to think Khadija RA 'wasted' her life and it was only comprised of sacrifices and thus, we come to the conclusion that since she sacrificed her entire self to get the pleasure of Rasoolullahi Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam, it is not worth to mention her ever as an example for the Muslim women.
From the above answer given to this person, a couple of points are made clear about Khadija RA:
1. She did not do the trade (her primary business) by herself. Rather, she hired people to do it for her.
2. She did not have to 'give up' her 'career' to be married to the Prophet Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam. Rather, the responsibility of her business was only lightened from her shoulder when she married the Prophet Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam.
3. You will not find in the entire Seerah that Khadija 'gave up' trade after marrying Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam so there is no need to 'ever' bring that upon our tongues, of which we have NO knowledge. And here, we are talking about someone very dear to our Prophet Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam, someone he loved more than any other wives, that even Aisha RA was jealous of Khadija RA when she was not even alive anymore.
4. Let us assume for a moment that Khadija RA gave up her business, her career and everything, and only had so many children with the Prophet and then she died. So she basically sacrificed and gained what?
- Had she even given up her career for the Nabi Sallalahu Alaihi Wassalam, she would still have gained the pleasure of Allah Subhana Wata'ala, which means the goal of life would be accomplished after gaining the Raza of our Rabb! Isn't that our goal of life? To gain the pleasure of Allah! To become of the women of Jannah!
The problem rises when our focus shifts from gaining the pleasure of Allah, to gaining the pleasure of our own selves.
May Allah forgive us all for saying things in vain and out of no knowledge. Please my Lord, forgive us for YOU know we are very weak, we tend to fall but Ya Ghafoor, You love to Pardon Your Slaves, so please have mercy on us and forgive us. Ameen Ya Rabbil Alameen.
I would end this post here as this will lead me to writing another post on another topic, What do we gain when we sacrifice? and Is it only us who sacrifice?
NEED AN EMAAN RUSH! URGENT....
ASSALAMOALAIKUM,
I need an emaan rush.... I think we all do every now and then to renew our emaan. I will be back soon to shed light on the past five years. What did I gain? What did I loose? What are my goals for the future? Coming soon inshaAllah!
A test that might not end for life...
Asalamoalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
It has been a long time since I last wrote. SubhanAllaah it took a year before I could return to blogging and this time too, I know I won't be too much regular. My husband tells me Jannah will soon be lying under my feet but I don't know if that's going to help me in any way? So many things changed and so much happened during this one year that I didn't write. I do want to share some of it and then ask a question that has been bugging me for last eight or nine months. May 17th, 2006 was the last time I was active on forums, blogs and all. In the beginning of June, I left States for my homeland. In the end of July, I began my life anew. A big change had occured and I had completed my half deen.
When Allaah Subhana Wata'ala tests His slave through some very tough things in life, He also gives a strong alternate to that test so that His slave would not loose hope and become a complete loser.
As I am the only one in my family who 'wanted' to live a life of full submission to my Rabb (I said 'wanted' because I have failed badly and I have submitted to nafs more than to Lord), only a few months after I was engaged, I was extremely worried about how my wedding was going to be. I love Niqab, but I didn't do it till I was married. I did cover properly in scarff and abhaya but I couldn't manage to wear Niqab then. For eight months before I was married, I prayed desperately to Allaah to keep me covered through out as I was going to get dolled up for my husband not other men.
I belong to a family that is far away from practical deen. I say practical because five times prayer, fasting in Ramadhan and charity are considered enough of Islam to lead one to Jannah. And this excludes all other things that make up one's Islam. Anyways, I knew taking strong action against my family's 'values' would make things worse. After doing istikhara and consulting with some wise friends of mine, I decided I would talk to my 'husband-to-be' to make sure his aqeedah was correct and he could support me if I stood strong against the whole family in covering myself. I had to talk to him back then because my family's aqeedah is not sound and there are lots of little bits and pieces of shirk in their aqeedah. I had to make sure my husband-to-be does not fall in that category and it would be extremely hard to ask my parents to let me talk to him. I couldn't say I wanted to know his aqeedah because they would get shocked and turn to me saying, 'you think we would marry you to a non-muslim or so?' So I decided to talk to him without letting my parents know after doing istikhara and consulting some deeni friends. He was in my homeland and I was here in States, so I contacted him through telephone.I talked to him for almost eleven months without my parents knowledge and that too, for wisdom. During those eleven months, I slowly told him about myself, my aqeedah and how I wanted to live a life of submission. I also found out that even though his family was like mine, his aqeedah is Alhamdulillah sound. I also convinced him to talk to my dad when we would go to Pakistan about having a segregated wedding function and not having a non-mehram to make video and photos. When I went to Pakistan and my wedding was close enough, my fiance talked to my father about having a segregated function and not having a non-mehram for video and photos. My father got extremely angry at him and his older brother. I was in touch with him and he told me about my father's reaction. I told him that I was going to take a big scarff over myself on the day of wedding if the function was not going to be completely segregated and if there was going to be a non-mehram video-maker. I asked him if he was going to stand by me and Alhamdulillah he was very supportive. One more thing that happened which hurt my parents very bad was that my to-be-sister-in-law (my husband's older brother's wife) had told my mom that me and my husband used to talk over the phone when I was in States. My mom was shocked to find this out because she was not aware. It was considered a big issue in our family if the fiance talked before getting married. Religion had no value in such issues.
Anyways, I told a very best friend of mine to make a big scarff for me which I could put over myself on the day of my wedding if it was a mixed gathering. My mom on the other hand was taking my decision to not let a non-mehram video-maker and photographer take my video and photos very seriously. She was hospitalized a day before my wedding because she had developed UTI and high blood pressure out of stress. I was the one who was blamed for everything that was physically going wrong with my mom because of her mental stress. On the morning of my wedding, I was even ready to give up all my hijab in the evening for my mom.
When I entered the wedding hall, I don't know where I got the courage to cover myself in that big scarff completely. A lot of aunties came and asked me to uncover for the sake of my parents and let the non-mehram video-maker make video and let all the other non-mehrams, half of whom I didn't even know, see a display of me. I don't know where I got the courage to say no to all of them and keep covered. The non-mehram video-maker, who by the way was also a complete stranger to me, came to me and asked me to take off my scarff and let him video-tape me. SubhanAllaah, my father came to me and requested to me to take off the scarff and let the video-maker do as he said. May be my duas of last eight or nine months were giving me the courage to say no to everyone.
My mother did not even come to see how her daughter was looking as a bride. Other aunties who did want to see me came to see me. They lifted my scarff and saw me and after they all left me alone, I put it back on. My in-laws did not say anything because my husband and father-in-law were my strong support at that time. They had strictly told everyone not to ask me to uncover. On the day of valima, I was again covered the same way because despite the fact that my husband had tried to make it segregated, many men had come and sat with their families making it into a mixed gathering. My mother again did not come to see how her daughter was looking as a bride because she was extremely angry at me.
My support through out this time was my husband and Alhamdulillah, what a strong support he was from Allaah Subhana Wata'ala!
Now I come back to my question which I want to ask and which is making my life miserable right now. My husband has been my support uptill now and he says he will always support me when it comes to my rights. I do niqab now and no one can dare say anything to me because my husband and father-in-law are my support Alhamdulillah.
I have come back to States for a few months and because my husband can't get visa quickly, he is still in my homeland. After my marriage, when I used to talk to my mom on the phone, she used to complain that she doesn't even have one picture of me as a bride and she did not even see her daughter as a bride(that being her own choice). She used to tell me that people ask for my wedding pictures here and she doesn't show them to anyone because in all those pictures, I have a big scarff over my head covering me completely.
Now that I was coming back to States, my parents took out that album and put it under the table in the living room so that when guests would come and ask for my wedding pictures, she could show them this album in my presence. She is ashamed to tell them that her daughter had covered herself out of stubbornness so she was waiting for me to come here and face the people instead of her.
When we have visitors come over, they see the album under the table and ask if those are my wedding pictures. My mom tells them yes they are and lets them see the pictures. As they see the pictures, they all feel extremely sorry for seeing no face of me in the pictures. They tell us I could at least take a few pictures in seclusion of myself. On the other hand, my mom tells them how mean it was of me to be so stubborn. She tells them she was admitted in the hospital for UTI which she had gotten out of extreme stress on a day before my wedding. And that everyone such as aunties, had tried their level best to convince me to take off my covering for the video and pictures.
Not only that, she even tells me sometimes that what kind of Islam is it which I am following. I can lie to my parents and talk to my fiance on the phone without their knowledge and I can disobey my parents. But when it comes to certain things such as video, photos and a mixed gathering, I become stubborn and that too is not for deen. It has been ten months to my wedding and I am still held accountable for what I did. My mom prays to Allaah that no one's wedding be like her daughter's. And I pray that too because the extreme stress I went through is not explainable in words. Even though everything for me went as I had wanted it to, my mother's constant cries don't let me be at peace. Even though what I did was for Allaah Subhana Wata'ala solely, I still feel I could have 'compromised' and the situation could be better than it is. My mom tells everyone who comes to visit that her daughter is one stubborn person who did not even let her parents do the wedding as they wanted. Now I want to ask those who read my blog, was my decision to keep myself covered wrong? My mother still feels extremely sad for not having a single picture of her daughter as a bride. Could I be forgiven if I had sacrificed my hijab for my mother? The thought of sitting on the stage uncovered and letting a non-mehram take as many shots of me as he liked, and letting hundreds of other non-mehrams see me before my husband for whom I was truly beautified, is horrible. But why don't my so-called deeni family understand me? I am still blamed and my mom says, 'time passes but what remains are the memories and I will never forget what you did'. What should I do? What can I do? Does anyone have the answer? Will my daughter in future be very rude to me and hurt me because I hurt my mom even though it was obeying The Creator over the creation?
